Coping with change is hard; whether it’s a good change, a sad change, or a change that’s going to bring new challenges (like tightening your budget). The process of change always brings at least a touch of uncertainty, because we are not intimately familiar with how the new circumstances will be. Uncertainty can trigger anxiety. Don Piper calls addressing difficult changes “finding a new normal,” implying there’s a process that takes some time. Our ability to adapt to change is critical for our mental health and a skill that we can work on improving. Since change occurs all the time, we have plenty of opportunities!
Clarify What’s In Your Control
Clarify what is in your control and what is not in your control. If you identify what parts of a changing circumstance that you can control, you know where to focus your energy. You can also work to let go of parts of a circumstance where you have no control. Some people dive into making plans and “doing,” as a way to avoid feeling the helplessness of being out of control. However, the avoidance of feelings can also lead to trouble. On the flip side, being completely engulfed by helplessness is not good either. It can keep us from taking necessary action that might help our circumstances. Balance between the two is key for handling change in an emotionally healthy way.
Don’t Navigate Change Alone
Dr. Leonard Poon of the University of Georgia has been studying people who live to age 100 and beyond for the past 10 years to find out what factors help people reach this age. Among the characteristics of his subjects he found that they all had excellent social support. This finding is not new, there’s lots of evidence that indicates that good social support is essential for maintaining and recovering physical and mental health. In other words, we were made to live in relationships. If our relationships are poor, we suffer. If our relationships are healthy, we are better equipped to navigate the difficulties of life and its changing nature. Just like many of us strive to maintain a healthy diet and exercise, we should also be building and maintaining healthy, supportive relationships. Good friends give support and encouragement to each other through difficult times.
Focus On The Here And Now
An essential key to managing anxiety is to live in the here and now. It is true for handling change as well. Many changes occur gradually or are upcoming in the future and it’s easy to start worrying about all that the change is going to entail. Breaking things down into small, manageable pieces is key for handling changes that involve a lot of work. Scheduling, budgeting, and looking for help and resources might also be a part of handling a change like this–not only from a practical perspective but from an emotional one as well. When there’s a clear plan with a time frame and deadlines, you are more likely to be able to focus on the here and now.
Flexibility
Strive to become more flexible. Some people are naturally more flexible than others. If it’s really easy for you to change your mindset with a sudden change of plans or circumstances, congratulations, you probably handle change in general pretty well. However if you get upset, angry, or have difficulty when your plans suddenly change, you might want to address this issue. Just like it takes work to become more physically flexible, it can take a lot of effort for us to become more emotionally flexible. Coming up with a catch phrase like “The No Stress Express,” might help remind you to not dwell on a negative emotion. Committing yourself to finding a “Plan B or C, or sometimes even D” when Plan A falls through might also help.
Conclusion
Looking at how you’ve handled changes in your life in the past, you can gauge how well you handle change. The next time a change is happening or anticipated, think about what you can control in the situation, focus on being in the here and now, ask for support and take steps to becoming more flexible.
If you need help navigating changes in your life, therapy can help. Book a free consultation with one of our licensed therapists today!
